“Well…” said the old sea dog, ” it was me first day with the hook.” “You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the questioner asked incredulously. “Oh that,” said the pirate, looking embarrassed. “Arrrr…”, mused the old salt, “I got into a fight over a woman in a bar, and me hand got chopped off.” Just as me crew were pullin’ me out a school of sharks appeared and one of ’em bit me leg off.” The pirate replies: “We were caught in a huge storm and a giant wave swept me overboard. Seeing the pirate’s peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the sailor asks: “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” “No,” explained his crew, “It’s just a little wave.”Ī sailor and a pirate are in a bar recounting their adventures at sea. “What’s this?” asked the skipper, “It looks as if someone is drowning!” Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea. None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order. How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb? “Hmm,” the doctor murmured, “too obvious, huh? Will cost you a deposit of £15,000, and payments of £1,000 for 48 months, as well as money for extras.” “Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband of his snoring,” said the doctor, “but I must warn you that it is rather expensive. She decided to call the family doctor to see if there was anything that could be done to relieve her nightly suffering. “No”, said the doctor, “That’s professional courtesy!”Ī woman was nearing the end of her tether – every night her husband was snored so loudly that it kept her awake. Without a word the lawyer took off! As he swam the sharks move aside. They noticed that there were hundreds of sharks between them and land. Unable to get back into the boat, they decided two would hold on to the boat and the third would swim to shore for help. Sailor A: “Well, there goes another theory!”Ī doctor, a dentist and a lawyer were in a boat together when a wave came along and washed them all overboard. Sailor A: “I hear fish is good brain food.” “What do you call a sail with only two corners?” Sighing, the deck hand said: “OK, I’ll let you in with those, but just don’t start anything.” “This is all I could find to put around my neck,” he said. That should be OK.”Īfter some time, the sailor comes out with a pair of jumper cables. The dockhand, not wanting to turn away a customer, said: “Well, why don’t you just find something that approximates a tie. “Well, go down below and put one on,” said the dockhand. “Of course I don’t have a tie on,” replied the sailor, “I’m on a boat!” This establishment has a necktie policy, and you are not wearing one.” The dockhand says, “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t let you dine here today. The bartender says, “Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?”Ī sailor brings his boat up to a restaurant dock to eat lunch. The sailor replies, “Well, you’d drink that fast too, if you had what I have.” The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, “Wow. The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can. A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, “Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!”
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